introspection

I have always been someone that is very logical and tries to quantify decision-making, when possible. When weighing potential job offers in college, I used salary as a main factor in choosing which offer to accept. I didn’t really “listen to my gut”. Common life advice is to listen to your intuition, but this has never been one of my strengths.

After my son was born, I planned to go back to work after taking some time off. I worked as a contractor in the IT space, so I did not have formal maternity leave. My husband and I saved and budgeted for me to be able to take some time off from work. Days turned into weeks, which turned into months, and it was almost time for me to go back to work. A recruiter I worked closely with had a few potential opportunities for me so I hopped on several calls to learn more about the different roles, responsibilities, salary/benefits and other details.

Although the salary associated with a potential new role would be a blessing to our family financially, my gut hesitated. My brain was ready to dot my i’s and cross my t’s and get started with a new job. My gut hesitated though. I was caught off guard. Besides the “when you know, you know feeling” I had with my now husband, Adam, I have not had many times in my life when I felt my gut say something so clearly. In retrospect, I know it was God whispering “you will not be happy with this decision”.

I did not seriously consider quitting my career to stay home with my son my entire pregnancy, not even once. I did not have anything against the idea, it just wasn’t something that was on my radar. Growing up, my mom worked full-time and Adam and I had been a dual-income family up until that point. Even though I didn’t absolutely love my job, I thought working until you retire was just what you do and that only rich people could afford to be single-income households. I had not considered the fact that with budgeting and planning, we could make it work on one income. Obviously going from 2 incomes to 1 income is an adjustment, but after Adam made it clear that he supported whatever I wanted to do, it was a no-brainer for me.

Once I decided that I would stay home with our son while he is little, and any future babies are little, it felt like a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I felt confident in the decision and so excited to begin my chapter as a full-time mama. Even on hard days, when I yearn for adult interaction and stimulating conversation, I never regret the decision.

The past 2 years since I became a mama have flown by. I cannot imagine missing out on all of the amazing milestones and memories that happen in the baby and toddler years. I can 100% attribute this absolute 180 in the plan I thought I had for my life to God. When I became a mama, for the first time in my life I felt like I had a true purpose. Our son is a beautiful gift from God that showed me a new kind of love and gave me a purpose I never had before.

The world feels heavy sometimes. You are constantly bombarded with news whenever you look at your phone, open your computer, or turn on the tv. And it seems like the news is almost never good news. Both conservative-leaning and liberal-leaning news companies make money off of scary headlines. Click-baity titles get more clicks and more people tune in to get constant updates.

I remember a few months into covid, several news networks had a covid death counter on the bottom right corner of the screen. I never want to downplay the loss of human life, but I think that having a death counter constantly ticking up instilled a lot of fear in people. It made people feel completely helpless about their own health. Two things can be true – we can mourn and grieve for the people that lost their life due to covid but we can also do what is in our power to set ourselves up for better health and boost our immune systems.

It is good to be informed about current events, but there is a fine line between being informed and living in fear. Life is inherently stressful and by choosing to constantly consume bad news, we are damaging our mental and physical health.

I have always been a sensitive and introspective person, but after I became a mom, I realized just how sensitive I am. Suddenly, any horrific news where children were involved hit even closer to home and would leave me in tears. Unfortunately, bad things happen every single day around the world because we live in a broken world. As human beings, we are not meant to process so much negative news from around the world every day. Before social media, the internet and phones, you only knew what was happening in your community or local area.

Unfortunately, civilians living in war-torn areas do not have the choice to ignore the conflict going on around them in the way that we can turn off the news. Regardless of the circumstances outside the four walls of our home, it is so important to focus on what is going on inside our homes. Our energy, attitude, and outlook on life cannot be solely dependent on our circumstances, or we will always find a reason to be miserable and scared.

Whenever I feel overwhelmed and like I cannot handle any more horrific news or negativity, I try to remember what Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” In the Bible Jesus does not say “stress out and keep worrying.” I am easily stressed and overwhelmed so I am reminding myself of that as much as I am reminding you.

Despite how much we throw around the word “privilege” in the U.S. and point fingers at others who are more privileged than us, we forget that we are living in some of the most privileged times in history. We don’t have to look far back in history to find a time where basic sanitation was not common. There was no electricity, sanitation and we didn’t have access to all of the information that we can access now. A huge percentage of Americans have a shelter over their heads, plumbing, electricity, safe food, and access to public libraries and the Internet, where you can learn about anything.

When the world feels heavy and social media makes everything seem even more terrible, I recommend unplugging from whatever it is that causes you the most stress. After my grandfather passed away in February 2023, I took several weeks off of social media. That time spent off of social media allowed me to grieve and process. Time away from social media also allowed me to be present and grateful on the blessings in my life. You may need to ignore what is going on in the world for a time so that you can take care of your spiritual and mental health. You can only help others and be your best self if you are not in a state of constant panic or stress yourself.